Hey Mom, it's Mayo.

Workin' the pole looks like an easy task to the untrained eye. However, we learned this week that it involves some strength, coordination, and a whole lot of sass to make it look nice. Gotta point those toes and twerk that ass like a pro to get dem dollas. Not sure why we thought we'd be naturals at this; pole dancing is a combination of dance and acrobatics, neither of which we are experts in.

When we first rolled into the parking lot of our fitness destination, we thought this place looks sketch as fuck. But then we remembered we were in LSMO and the only semi-sketch thing there is a Chinese food joint located in a run-down Burger Boy building. We love you, but you know who you are*



The curtains on the window are actually a nice touch so you are not hesitant to dance freely. Keep those peepers away.

There were several things we were unaware of before arriving at The Stiletto Gym:
 

 1. Know your name**. Not the name your parents gave you. Your stripper name. Sorry Mom and Dad.

When the instructor introduced herself as Rain and asked what our names were, we immediately looked at each other and mouthed "Dragon" and "Night Hawk."

2. Don't dress like a granny. This isn't a place to be modest. The more skin the better. This will help you grip that pole. Yoga crops and running leggings aren't gonna do the trick. Get naked. Be free.

3. Every girl should own a pair of dangerously tall, lucite platform stripper heels. Not just because they'll enhance your stripper moves, but probably all aspects of your life.

 

The ladies at the Stiletto Gym were awesome! Not only the instructor, but all the other ladies in the class were gracious enough to demonstrate the moves over and over and over again until we k i n d a got it. We started with a twerking warm up- ya real life- then moved into basic moves and spins. After that we were able to bring it all together for a final dance.

 

We have to be honest, as much as we struggled with the Martini Spin , after putting on our heels for a real run through of our recently learned dance routine to Beyoncé's Rocket, we had a new found air of confidence that helped us work the pole. You can always count on Bey to bring out your inner Sasha Fierce.

This is called a Headstand. We did that. No lie.

Not to get all Spice Girls/girl power on ya, but there's something pretty empowering about twerkin' trying to twerk on the pole with your friends without judgment.

It's important to not only mix up our fitness regimen, but to also know where our talents lie in case our day jobs don't work out. Hey! If Jessi Spano can become a stripper...

Jessi Spano- Saved by the Bell. Stripper- Showgirls.

Don't pretend you're not about to practice your strip tease right now. Here's a some music to inspire you.
 

Remember, always lead with your booty. You're welcome.
 

K&J

 

*Sorry Shanghai Boy, we're talking about you if you still don't know.

**Here's a list of stripper names so you're prepared. Sorry we took the best ones.


As for the title of this post, we were told there are two strippers in the new movie "Get Hard" named Mayo and Chocolate. Jac missed a call from her momma while we were dancing so, naturally, she thought she'd call back and say "Hey Mom, it's Mayo."